i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
