Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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