ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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