After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
