i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Green mimosas i think yes
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
