You're completely useless in the revolution.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
