College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
