your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
