i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
