The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
