Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
