bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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