Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
