Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
