Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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