i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
