He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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