she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
