I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
