you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
