Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you win again, gameday.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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