dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
