what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
