billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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