So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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