i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
