our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
