He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
