on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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