I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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