at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she pinky promised me she was 18
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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