it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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