First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
