I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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