Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
