It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
