I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Randomize
