you guys were way drunker than both of me
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
