I want to make a zoo with you.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
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