so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
