Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
