The maid of honor just puked.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
