Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
