Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
