if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I won the penis lottery.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
