He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My vagina is officially offended.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
