In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Is it penis luge time yet?
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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