Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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