Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
