Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Randomize
